Works Of A Wordsmith

Once again I have destroyed myself,
Bowed down by the storms of life,
Bent over from the strain,
The winds of self-doubt whip through my soul.
To know truth in my intellect is not
The same as knowing truth in my heart…
So, I wind up back at the beginning—
A lump of clay malformed,
Reshaped into nothing on the potter’s wheel,
Hoping against hope that this time around
I’ll make it through the process,
Because I still don’t know
What shape I am destined to become.
Seems like every time I come close,
The darkness in my heart bleeds out
Until I am completely surrounded, and
I jump from the shelf in some vain attempt
To escape myself.
Then I lie on the floor shattered,
Sure that I will never become useful to the Master.
Yet, He picks up all my pieces,
Crushes me to powder,
Mixes in His Living Water, and
Starts over again at the wheel
With His endless patience.
It is the darkness within, not the darkness without,
That defeats me over and over again—
These lifelong patterns of self-anesthetizing
Against the pain of self-rejection.
Somehow, Lord God,
Help me to see myself through the obscurity.
Truth is, I am blind to the “me� you created.
I can only see vague outlines of possibilities.
I want to see myself the way that You see me…
Not only that, but I need Your help in
Accepting who You intended me to be.
Let this reconstruction, this time,
Come to completion.
Help me, Holy Spirit, to submit to
The whole process and not just
The parts with the familiar pains or
The recreated patterns of self-hatred.
Deliver me from me!

You brought me through again.
You always do, though I always doubt.
I wish I could let them all go.
Still, as many times as You prove faithful,
It seems I turn out just as often faithless…

I know that I KNOW
You will come through every single time,
As well as I’m aware
How easy it is for me to
Fall all over myself in my willfullness.

God, I wish You would… something!
I don’t know what to ask even
Other than to keep on changing me,
Keep molding me, but more–
Soften my heart and keep me
Willing to be changed and molded
Into the image of Your Son.

Help me, Holy Spirit, to withstand
The draw of my fleshly desires.
Instead, Lord, help me
Focus my vision where it should be
…Directly and only on Jesus.

Father, in my weakness I can only fall on You.
Holy God, forgive me; help me, Holy Spirit, too…
Please, I want to turn away from ugliness of sin.
I need Your light of truth, God, on the root that lies within.
This process, Lord, is painful, yet I long to just be clean.
Please, dig it out and burn it so that I can be serene.
Wash me in Your water and cleanse me in Your Word;
Cover me with Jesus’ blood and let my prayers be heard.
Thank You, God, for mercy, for kindness, and for truth,
And when I fall again I pray I’ll trust again in You.

I’ve seen so many faces
Friends and loved ones,
Strangers and acquaintances,
Co-workers, peers, children, and elders—
Famous and unknown…

But only One face that I truly long for…
The One I so fear disapproval from and
Pray for mercy from.
When I shall stand before His throne,
That Visage of infinite glory and light,
Then maybe I will find final satisfaction,
Fulfillment of all my eyes’ yearning
In this pale imitation of the eternal reality.

Until then I keep searching,
Looking into all the faces that surround me
For some brief glimpse of Him and His Life,
Hoping that someone else
Can see Him in my face… somehow,
Despite the self-wrought shadows
I have struggled with.

O Lord Jesus, clear this clouded mirror,
Remove my veil of shame, and
Let Your Spirit take me
From glory to glory in You.

When life is full of hard things,
And no one knows what’s next,
You always step up to the plate
With help we don’t expect.

Your kind and generous nature
Shows supernatural grace,
So once again, we want to pray
God shines upon your face.

May the Lord bless and keep you,
And make His face shine on you,
His countenance be set toward you,
And His peace be upon you.

The love of Father towards you,
The grace of Jesus with you,
The fellowship of Spirit, too,
By His great power surround you.

I pray that God, in every way,
Will meet your every need,
May harvest ten- and hundredfold,
Return from every planted seed.

So many words of worship, Lord,
So many melodies and harmonies,
So many hearts poured out in praise…
Yet I somehow want to say more
Somehow to sing and to play so much more…
Give me utterance beyond understanding.
All my words are used up—
All my melodies are spent,
Till I lie before You empty.

Break my heart wide open in
Rivers and fountains of Your Spirit.
Only You have the words of life.
Be the
Speech speaking through my stillness,
Symphony swelling in my silence,
Fullness filling my vacuum,
Because You cannot not be…
YOU ARE!!!

Been thinking ‘bout you a lot lately.
It’s easy on the mind to let it go that way,
Just like you’re easy on the eyes.
Hey, baby, can we just hang together today?

I think about the way you walk,
Intent on getting somewhere, anywhere,
And you don’t slow down because
Strolling along hurts your back.

I think about the way you focus
So intent on figuring out a solution
To a programming issue or whatever
That you forget to stop and eat sometimes.

I think about the way you shyly reach for my hand
Like we just met yesterday or something.
Then you wriggle like a big furry dog
Excited just to be close to me… and grin.

I think about the way you kiss me
Softly, slowly, waiting for my response, and
Never intruding too far when time goes
Flying away from us and I have to rush off.

I think about the way you let me give you
Little kisses on the side of your face gently
Till you can’t stand it anymore and
You hug me to make me quit torturing you.

I think about the way you REALLY think
All about the way things are,
The way they ought to be, and
How in the world we could possibly get there.

I think about the way you care so deeply
For the things that matter to you—
Preaching the gospel, worship, prayer,
And obeying the scriptures because you love God.

I think about the way you look at me
With those serious eyes,
Till a glimmer bursts out and
You are laughing again at some inanity.

I think about the way you laugh…
Shrugging away my “too serious-ness�
And enjoying all the little things
That can be appreciated with humor.

I think about the way you make me smile
By just standing there grinning
Or saying something stupid on purpose
So that I have to chuckle all the way in to work.

I think about the way you love me
With gentleness, kindness,
And deep passion that hides inside
Careful not to let others see too much.

I think about all the ways that you are
Uniquely you around me and others,
And I come to the same conclusion
Every single time… I love you!!

Cleanse my heart; Lord, make me new.
Draw me closer, please, to You.
Take the sin within my heart.
Grant me, God, a brand new start.
For I am weak, and I am worn.
I’m tired of feeling, oh, so torn.
My eyes and heart have wandered far.
Please, Jesus, be my northern start.
In my stupid foolishness,
Lord, I hear You and confess:
Father, You alone are God,
And I will bow beneath Your rod.
Correct the path that I have walked.
Plant my feet on solid Rock.
Although the dark obscures Your face,
I trust in Your amazing grace
To cleanse my heart and make me new,
So, I will want to follow You.