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The leaves crunch satisfactorily under my feet
As I plod steadily on in the chill wind,
Under the multihued grays in the sky overhead.
Fall moves forward in its relentless way
While I muse silently, slowly, ceaselessly…
Somehow, I want my mountains to move,
My crooked ways straight, my rough places smooth.
Some moments I am confident in my faith.
Some moments I tremble at the thought of tomorrow.
Some moments I wish the world could simply stop,
And let me catch my breath.
I cannot figure my way out or around or through.
I can only trod resolutely and blindly forward like Fall.
Every moment holds its own joy, its own grief, and
An unexplained fulfillment, a knowing that I can walk on
Through the demise of my little world surrounding me,
The restructuring of all I hold dear to my heart.
Each step brings its own inward satisfaction.
When the wind swirls wildly around me, and
The leaves fly uncontrollably chaotic,
Something in me still stands solidly
Reveling in the wildness of the turmoil,
Firmly rooted in His purposes.
In an odd way, I love the melancholy clouds overhead.
They transform the sky into a moving canvas
Painting itself into different images moment by moment.
So, I stand, staring upwards in awe and remember
The Master Painter designs in the skies,
And in my own heart as well.
I turn my attention earthward and trudge on knowing
It is Creator’s plan, ultimately for His glory,
That, regardless of cost or difficulty, I travel trustingly
Toward whatever goal He sets.
I lift up Christ, the coming King
…Just because I can.
I will give thanks in everything
…Just because I can.
In spite of all I choose to praise Him
…Just because I can.
I worship, glorify and raise Him
…Just because I can.
And just because I’m able to,
I’ll sing to Jesus all day through.
I’ll walk through fire and through the flood,
For He redeemed me with His blood.
He holds my life within His hand
…All just because He can.
So, I’ll forgive and I’ll forget
…Just because I can.
I’ll release my last regret
…Just because I can.
I will walk on despite defeat
…Just because I can.
Holy Spirit guides my feet
…Just because He can.
And just because He’s able to,
He keeps me close, remaining true.
Though loss and grief keep hounding me,
His Spirit teaches me to be
His precious child within His hand.
It’s just because I am!
Feeling way out on a cliff’s edge here…
The ground looks so far away and
I’m not so sure about this flying business.
“push, push�
“nudge, nudge�
Quit shoving already!!!
The net a few feet down just disappeared.
Sooo… I’m trying to decide if
I should jump and take my chances
(Crashing onto the ground is really painful!) or if
I should wait until [mother bird] decides it’s time
For me to be pushed.
If I wait, I may crash anyway, but
There’s a chance she’ll fly down and catch me
Before I hit the ground… or maybe
If I shove off now,
I’ll actually learn how to fly with these »«
Weak things someone called wings.
Up here, they just keep getting in the way.
I don’t know……………
“nudge, nudge�
“push, push�
Sooner or later, I have to give up my
Comfortable nest and
“push, nudge�
Trust the One who made me to
Know “nudge�
What “push�
He’s “SHOVE�
Do………. ing……………….
John 1:14, John 14:6
Click on the picture twice  to see a larger-sized version.
The possibilities are endless they say.
Start here; move over there; then
Swing around and end up someplace else entirely.
Somehow it all ends up uniquely suited
For the person willing to expand his vision—
No boxes allowed here.
The vast expanses of the universe are
Teeming with unused, unspent ideas just
Waiting for someone to snatch them.
I’ve caught a few of them myself
When occasion demands a different viewpoint.
I have to admit…
It’s odd coming at a problem from the side
Rather than front or back,
But perspective, it turns out,
Needs changing from time to time and
Cardboard walls need tearing down,
Or punching out as the case may be,
Because obscured vision kills hope
Faster than you can say, “Help!�
Look around again.
Get out of mental ruts and
Make a new path in the wilderness.
Fill up the valleys! Flatten the hills!
Reshape everything in your thought life
Until the idea makes some sense
Or a way around the problem is found.
Resolution does not always come easily,
But it does come—sometimes in “impossible� ways.
With persistent pursuit of improvement,
Vision expands exponentially!
When time is done and I shall stand alone
Before my judge on God Almighty’s throne,
No questions asked or answered, He will know
Each detail of the time I spent below.
By grace I stand within His righteousness,
But He will test my heart’s own faithfulness.
Did I love Him, keeping His commands,
And listen when His Spirit said to stand?
Or did I turn away from His sweet voice
To serve myself by making my own choice?
No matter what He sees when I stand there,
His judgment stands and no one else can share.
By Jesus’ blood my sins have been atoned,
And mercy tempers justice from His throne.
Sometimes I feel as if I could juuuuust stretch my fingers out one more letter, I’d be able to feel the Holy Spirit flowing through me again… the way it used to be. It’s just like the passion I felt on Sunday morning that I had not felt in sooooo long. The part of me that is consumed with fire and eager pursuit of my Lord woke up and said, “Where have you been? What have you been doing? Let’s go! Quit fooling around and get on your feet, girl!!! We have things to do, places to go, people to see…� Then I left the meeting, got home, got back into my same old routine and thought, “Where did it go?� It was gone. The passion, the fire, the whatever-it-was-that-awoke, seemed to have faded away into a dull, get-through-the-day apathy.
I want fervor! I want zeal! Life seems so doggone overwhelming and I feel like if I could just have Holy Spirit energy, I’d be able to wade through the muck like it was clear water. I need His Word to enervate me again, so that when I read, I receive real life rather than some insipid sameness. So, I am reading again. I never really stopped, but I haven’t really focused on seeking Him in the text either. I looked for something I could use rather than something I could metabolize into my spirit-man. Sometimes it seemed like all I was doing was looking for something to give someone else and the essence of what it said passed right over me, slipped right through my fingers like sand.
The Word…His Word…Living Words of Life…I need so desperately. I’m tired of songs that say how desperate we are for God or how passionate we feel towards God when they’ve all faded into daily background music courtesy of radio. Some song that meant something when it was written has become a distant, faded work of art that’s been exposed to sunlight too long. The vivacity has faded to washed-out colors and sounds—or as Dave Grohl sings on the Foo Fighters’ song “Come Alive�…�every sound monotone, every color monochrome, life began to fade into the black…�
Scripture has its own rhythm and rolls to a different kind of music than we are used to in our pop culture. There are no verses or choruses or bridges—just a recitative with a swelling and fading choral background and orchestral accompaniment that accents or detracts from the vocals as the conductor chooses. The words clarify the intent of the composer. The underlying unheard music carries His heart. I want to know both the intent and the heart! I can no longer search the holy word only for others when I need His Bread of Life and Living Water for myself as well. Frankly, I just need His LIFE living in me, through me, for me.
The problem is that I’m so used to just living my life myself. I get myself out of bed, dressed for work, and to work. Then the day drags on, and finally lunch comes, and then finally, finally 5:00 is here and I can go home to the mundane chores and duties that await me…that overwhelm me by their very magnitude. I have so much stuff and nowhere to put it all! So I wade through the lesser tasks like dishes and laundry, help my husband with the checkbook sometimes, and procrastinate on anything I can. Where’s the LIFE in that? I go to bed wondering where the day went and where was God in my day. I can think of moments here and there, conversations that occur, and thoughts floating through my brain, but no consistent awareness of His presence.
Ah, Lord, I feel like Paul in Romans 7 where my bodily person fights against my spirit person. Save me, dear Jesus, from myself and set my heart ablaze for You once more.
Another long day stretches out in front of me. It seems I wait forever for God to move in some tangible way in my life. I can see small spurts of something every now and then… and then… I’m stuck in another standstill period. Things keep happening around me, so God is probably moving, but I don’t understand His silence where I need the answers. In the meantime, hope breathes shallowly, just enough to stay alive and not enough to help me move forward even one tiny step. The interminable waiting seems like its own force pushing against me, making me frustrated. If only I could just trust, this… suspension …would not be so difficult.
