There, I went and did it without even realizing it.
I forgot myself again.
I got so bogged down with all the stuff of life,
My thoughts swirled in meaningless, overlapping circles.
Words flying this way and that in some
Mixed jumble of complete and utter nonsense
Until I sat down, let loose the wildness inside,
And set my pen free without agenda.
No trying to make something happen…
No forcing myself into predetermined structure…
No frustrated, half-done slips of something…
Just me rambling around in a muddle,
Content to stir things into nothingness,
So I can finally, finally relax and let loose
With grinning drivel.
Somehow that helps more than all the exercises
I could ever put my mind through.
The mental picture is priceless, too.
Imagine me at five years old
Stamping in a puddle in the parking lot
Till all the water is splashed out and
The puddle is gone.
That’s me now, stamping around in my brain
Till all the cohesion scatters into little droplets and
The forced, frustrating bits of thought are gone!
Releasing it all relieves the burden.
I do not have to do anything but sit, stare,
Type idiocy and see where it takes me.
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On this tough path, you want to run
Against the flow, O foolish one.
But what you think you want, you know
Leads only through a rougher road.
For willful longing brings much pain.
(To live is Christ, to die is gain.)
So let this go and lay it down.
Take up the cross, and turn around.
It’s time to listen to His voice,
To die to self, to live His choice.
Although this way leads through the fire,
God can change your heart’s desire,
Conform you to the image of
His One and Only Son of Love.
Against the flow, O foolish one.
But what you think you want, you know
Leads only through a rougher road.
For willful longing brings much pain.
(To live is Christ, to die is gain.)
So let this go and lay it down.
Take up the cross, and turn around.
It’s time to listen to His voice,
To die to self, to live His choice.
Although this way leads through the fire,
God can change your heart’s desire,
Conform you to the image of
His One and Only Son of Love.
Posit an idea
Throw out a thought
Turn it about
Toss it up
Let the light hit it every which way
Watch it
Catch it
Smell it
Push it away
Pull it close
Embrace it, eyes closed
Massage it
Spread it out
Fill it in
Color it one shade
Change it to another
Tear it apart
Shove it together
Put it in order
Bind it into form
Hold it aloft
Examine it critically
Accept it
Offer it to someone else
Let it go
No ποιημα (“workmanship”) is complete
Until it is given away
Posit an idea
Throw out a thought
Turn it about
Toss it up
Let the light hit it every which way
Watch it
Catch it
Smell it
Embrace it, eyes closed
Push it away
Pull it close
Massage it
Spread it out
Fill it in
Color it one shade
Change it to another
Tear it apart
Shove it together
Put it in order
Bind it into form
Hold it aloft
Examine it critically
Accept it
Offer it to someone else
Let it go
No ποιημα (“workmanship”) is complete
Until it is given away
[Note from the author: issue resolved. ~CCC]
Friends are well-meaning, caring, and kind in their own ways.
Trouble is…their ways aren’t always my ways and vice versa.
The expectations feel so high sometimes
I go sliding right down to the bottom of my toes,
Wondering if I’ll be able to pick myself up again.
I mean, I can’t stand uncertainty.
Worse…I can’t stand outright animosity!
Today I was wondering where all the boundaries went…
The ones that say, “this close, but no closer, please.�
Her undercurrent of anger went all over me like glitter on glue
And I dissolved with this uncomfortable familiarity—
Feeling like I’d been chewed up and spit out.
Shaking and crying are not my favorite way to deal…
Somehow, I let her feelings matter more than mine
And I felt so very, very small.
I am who I am, and I thought she knew me—
At least better than her words told me she did.
Obviously, she doesn’t, and that hurts
More than all the anger did.
I know. I know.
What person knows everything about another?
Still, when it comes to this one issue…
Years down the road, she doesn’t know me in this?
I must have been fooling myself all this time.
This interchange was not between friends,
Not today anyway.
This conversation was between two strangers.
The failure at understanding was mutual.
Maybe some time when she feels like calling
At some unspecified future point…
Maybe we will be old friends meeting again.
Today’s exchange will slink into the background,
Smoothed over and ignored in an effort to reconnect.
Or maybe this time, on top of the other times that
Were “smoothed over and ignored� will become
The crooked piece of track that derails us.
I rather hope not, though.
Perhaps we can talk this one out and
Come to understand each other better…
As friends do.
Clarity sparkles like the sun glinting off the water.
Thoughts flow smoothly along
Following the light toward a definite goal,
(It all makes so much sense!)
Till vision takes shape, and words
Start falling into place one by one or
Sometimes phrases at a time…
My story unfolds itself into a comfortable couch.
Here I lie, feet up and reclined, listening
To the relaxed rumble of coherence turning
Chaos into logic, making sense out of nonsense.
Peace by pieces is settling inside me
Filling my soul with reminders of His goodness.
His Eye Is On The Sparrow
