Works Of A Wordsmith

The tenderest prayer flies on the wings of desperation
Over the yawning chasm of doubt and disbelief
Till, like the butterfly with borrowed veins of steel,
It lights upon the finger of God
Unfolding all the beauty of a faith-filled heart.

I sit, perched on the wall,
Dreaming of things to come,
Outwardly unseeing as my inner eyes take over.
The battlefield in front of me
Lies littered with casualties of an unseen war
While the afternoon sun shines brightly
Over a city unaware.
People go about their days
Consumed with the details of life as they know it,
Blind to this unseen realm, yet
Crippled on the inside–emotionally, spiritually.
A deep sadness shadows my heart, but
With vision and purpose I can move again–
Standing, walking, praying as I pace the wall.
As Your Spirit leads, I cry out,
“Freedom!”
Raise up Your warriors again, O God.
Reach in with Your mighty, healing hand.
Send Your heavenly armies to break down enemy barriers.
Uncap the wells, Holy Spirit, and
Let Your fountains flow freely
Watering our thirsty ground.

Holy Spirit,

I feel possibilities this morning,
Like I could really let go and let You…

Somehow I feel Your presence here
In a different way than before
As if…

it feels like a pregnancy,
An expectancy, an overshadowing, new-creation presence…

I can’t figure out how to put it,
But I feel like new life is hovering
Just beyond…

Our frail container we call “church”
Is like an old wineskin and
The new wine fermenting inside us
—You!—
Is getting ready to break us all wide open!

Father…
You are in control.
I… am not..

A passion woke up inside me
That’s always been there—
Slumbering away for years.
Every now and then
It would raise its head,
Look me in the eye, and
Startle me out of my comfort zone.
Then somehow,
All that inexpressible longing
Would soothe itself back to sleep,
Knowing I could not escape
The confines of my circumstances..

This time, Lord,
It will not go back to sleep.
The circumstances still limit me,
But some part of me…
Dares to hope that You will make a way
Where I can see no way…

Father…
You are in control.
I… am not.

I only cry out for Your mercy
Praying that all this is
Not for nothing…
That what you made in me,
That who you made me to be,
Can be allowed to come
Out of the restricted spaces inside, and
This time…
I can stretch my wings and fly.

My heart is fixed on You.
Daily, hourly I must seek You out,
Tear down the idols of my heart, and
Find Truth once more.

I keep finding more meaning in Your word…
“The entrance of your word gives light.”
The first words recorded, spoken by You, were,
“Let there be light,” and light was created!
And, “Your word is a light to my path.”
And, “In the beginning was the Word,
And the Word was with God, and the Word was God,”
Who came and proclaimed,
“I am the light of the world.”

I am sure there will be more…
I desire truth in my innermost being.
O Lord, be my God!
In this I seek You more and more.
Help me, Holy Spirit, to turn,
Not only away from my sin,
But also toward Your Light, Your Truth,
As I learn again what it mean to be Yours.

Stray fragments wander through my head
Till I can’t get anything cohesive out
Longings, yearnings, regrets, sorrows—
All the passions of my heart
Wound up together in a tangled mess.
Even my joys and angers can barely
Poke themselves out of the bundle.
Lately, the whirlwind pulls in
All my hopes and dreams until
The future seems so obscure
I can hardly put one foot in front of the other.
What vague plans I had
Fade into the shadows of confusion…

My LORD,
You remain my only concrete certainty.
Beneath it all,
You remain my bedrock of strength, and
Though I weep in frustration,
Still, I choose to trust that
Your plans are sure,
Your path is light,
Your hand holds mine.
Though I feel blind,
I know You see it all—
Who I am, what has been, what’s to come!!!
…So, I can still go forward with Your confidence
Despite the mixed-up mess I see as me.

When the night comes and the light dims,
Heaven’s Bright Son sings my heart hymns.
All the stars thrum with His vibrance—
Ceaseless heartbeat, cosmic romance.

I lie wakeful,
Tossing and turning,
Wondering when or if I will sleep again,
Till finally I get up and wander out here…
I have been soaking my mind with You
All night long,
Listening to the same song,
Hoping to arm myself
Against the recesses of darkness
That lurk in my heart.
I cannot even tell if it is working—
Other than this restiveness that pulls me
Out of bed in the small hours of morning.

So I come here
Wondering when or if I will sleep again,
Thinking of You,
Hoping to find some sort of mental rest
From all the dodging about.
My brain feels like a trapped bird,
Flitting from this place to that place,
Looking for somewhere that makes sense
Where there is no sense,
Looking for respite from the turmoil.
Ah, Lord God,
Let me find my shelter in You again,
Like I used to be able to.

…And with that bit of a prayer,
I suddenly find stillness…
In You.
wow.