Works Of A Wordsmith

I drive myself crazy.
I’m sure I’ve said that before, but
What in the world is the matter with me???
I want to do everything… anything…
[sigh]

I’m starting to realize I just can’t.
So I do what comes to mind,
What comes to hand,
What crosses my path,
When I can, as best I can,
Till I run out of time.

Well, that happens frequently.
Somehow, though, I’ve managed.
I muddle through the days, and
I finish my recreational interests
A LOT more slowly
Than if I could just focus on
One thing at a time, but
I’m happy…
Relatively speaking anyway…

I’ve decided that if I can spend
FIVE minutes of my day
Doing something that I choose to do,
As opposed to a thing I “have” to do
(Like work or obligations),
Then I am content.

That is enough to keep me sane :-).
So even though my days are crazy,
My weeks are hectic, and
My whole brain wants expressive outlet,
I am not crazy…
Just plainly and simply a silly woman
With too much on my mind.

²⁰ “ Assemble yourselves and come;
Draw near together,
You who have escaped from the nations.
They have no knowledge,
Who carry the wood of their carved image,
And pray to a god that cannot save.
²¹ Tell and bring forth your case;
Yes, let them take counsel together.
Who has declared this from ancient time?
Who has told it from that time?
Have not I, the LORD?
And there is no other God besides Me,
A just God and a Savior;
There is none besides Me.
²² “ Look to Me, and be saved,
All you ends of the earth!
For I am God, and there is no other.
²³ I have sworn by Myself;
The word has gone out of My mouth in righteousness,
And shall not return,
That to Me every knee shall bow,
Every tongue shall take an oath.
²⁴ He shall say,
‘Surely in the LORD I have righteousness and strength.
To Him men shall come,
And all shall be ashamed
Who are incensed against Him.
²⁵ In the LORD all the descendants of Israel
Shall be justified, and shall glory.’�

My kids came again–
Wreaking a weekend of glorious familial havoc.
They used to be little people depending on me
To tell them what to think,
How to figure things out,
What the answers were to
Whatever knotty problems they faced.
Now, they initiate imaginative ideas,
Put sentences together in ways
That never occurred to me (wow!).

Then they went again–
Inflicting an evening of mourning for
All the stupid things I can think of.
This missed day or moment,
Month or special event,
That thing I could have said better,
Done better, mediated better…
Motherhood doesn’t stop for me
When the weekend ends.
It only goes into hibernation to avoid
The harsh desolation of a landscape
Barren of the continual interactions
I miss so much.

When they come around,
I lumber out of hibernation,
Shake myself to reawaken maternal instinct,
Blinking sleep out of my eyes so
I can see them, hear them,
Feel the atmosphere of love and affection
So unlike that between me and my spouse.
The spontaneity of youth tumbles me over
With the hugs and I-missed-you’s
Mumbled into my welcoming heart.

Ah, well, I suppose life goes on.
At least, that’s what I’m always hearing.
For me, though,
Life is like the broken lines on the road,
Only the long painted lines are
Holding the gaps together for me…
The gaps don’t keep the lines apart,
They are their own events–
Unpredictably full of the unseen blessings
Brought when motherhood meets its match,
A miraculous pairing of loved and beloved
That happens every time my kids come around
Bringing their own comfortable chaos.

Just wanted to let folks know that I’ve posted a new page. Please read “Perspective On Being Grateful” if you have a few minutes to spare.

Names are important, because what they say and mean reveal a lot about the person who carries them. Cara Colleen means “friendly girl.” At the very least, even if I have never met you, I hope you can understand that I share what I share because I believe we can all be friends through the one Friend who is eternally with us. Sometimes it is my children who come up with the best ideas for names and titles. My second child and oldest son suggested a title for a second book only weeks after my first one was released (five years ago). He was ten then, and already a deep thinker.

There is much of my poetry that I don’t show to the kids simply because I have used it as an outlet for venting, for expressing, for putting my deepest emotions and thoughts “out there” so I can get them into perspective. It has been one of the more important avenues that the Lord has worked with me to get through the healing process. Not all of it is depressing or sad or angry. Much of it is praise and adoration for the One who has been my strong fortress through so many years of trials and desolation. Some of it is thoughtful expression, nostalgia, or just another attempt to verbalize my admiration for the wonders of creation. There are a few that I have deliberately set out to write on a given subject and wrestled with my artistic impetus before I was able to say, “there, it’s finished.” Some are to my kids, my mother, my dad, my brothers, my husbands past, former, and present, and some are to individuals who have influenced my life in one way or another.

As I feel the kids are old enough to understand, I’ll show them some of the pieces I have written because I want them to be part of what I do. I have encouraged each of them in their own creative talents. All of them are involved with music in some way (piano, violin, guitar, brass, drums). Hannah has been writing poetry for years already, involved in high school choir competitions, and will be 18 in a few weeks. Jonathan is writing a book, so he can publish it, make millions, and go to art school in Rome after he graduates high school in a couple more years. David is in the band and wants to become an engineer. Zechariah, well, even though he’s been learning piano and has the funniest one-liners, I think he is just enjoying childhood still and I am going to let him be one for a while yet.

It was Jonathan who came up with the name I have never been able to top. Since it looks as if a second book may not happen until sometime in the next century, I thought I should at least share the title. Maybe I should make it the subtitle of my webpage… who knows? At the very least, it deserves acknowledgement because it so aptly describes my relationship with my Lord, the God who created me, who knows me more intimately than I even know myself, and who is, as John Milton claimed, my Muse …because He is indeed The Healing King.

I am overjoyed with the gift of my children.

Every day they fascinate me in some new way.

I could stare at their pictures all day long,

Because of the pleasure I get from their

Beautiful smiles and shining faces, bright with love.

It awes me sometimes that I get to be their mom.

There are the typical sibling battles,

But incredible loyalty to each other.

Just when I think that I know them well,

Something new crops up to surprise me—

Sometime serendipitous, sometimes sorrowful,

Always another reason for me to love on them.

I have laughed and cried, rejoiced and grieved,

Giving them up to Father God over and over again.

The price of parenting these precious packages—

Filled with so much earth, so full of heaven’s grace—

Is measureless in volume, yet nothing

Compared with all the love I want to pour out and

That they give back so effusively.

I am overjoyed with the gift of my children!!!