Works Of A Wordsmith

There are moments when I wonder if I will ever have time to do what I really want to do. Then I stop to examine the thought and realize that if I really want to do something, I will make time for it to happen. Otherwise I am kidding myself. That thing I think I want to do can’t be all that important if it keeps sliding down my priority list–things like reading some book or magazine article, or finishing some project I’ve been putting off. I’d like to do them, but other things come up that are more important or that simply must be done as part of maintaining my home, like laundry or dishes. Hanging out with my husband and kids is up towards the top of the list. If I have to choose between doing some recreational activity just for me or spending time with one of the family members, my recreational activity will be put off again and again. Now there’s homework to contend with. I chose to commit to education, so recreational reading definitely falls on the back burner now! I’m so tired from the mental and emotional drain of work and home duties and expending myself on someone else… I’m not sure when I can get those “someday” activities accomplished. Still, I’m tired, but happy. I’ve been blessed in so many different ways with a place to live and clothes to wear and food to eat, and someone to come home to every evening. What more could I ask? God is good and He has been, even through all the tough times. I just need to sense His presence and hear His voice so that I can walk daily where He wants me to walk. Maybe with a little time management and Holy Spirit guidance I can still get a few extracurricular thing done on the side a little at a time.

Somehow, I still haven’t learned that the people I love are simply humans. It always surprises me when they do something I don’t expect and it hurts. I guess it’s a matter of expectation. Like it or not, I have my loved ones on pedestals of various height—depending on how close I am, how long I’ve known them, my past experiences with them, etc. With some my expectations are more realistic. With others, I have them up way too high. The higher they are, the harder I get hit when they tumble off.

In theory, at least, I fully recognize their humanity and weaknesses. But somehow the heart doesn’t always listen to the brain. I WANT the fairy tale to be true. The princess is always good and kind and perfect. So is the charming prince or the knight in shining armor on the white horse. The human beings in the real world may be princesses and princes and knights in my eyes, but they aren’t ALWAYS good and kind and definitely not perfect.

They fall off my unrealistic pedestals, totally unaware of the expectations that I have. They are simply being themselves and trust that I know their imperfections. I, on the other hand, have to learn all over again that my trust in anyone I love has to be based, not on that person, but on the rulership of Christ over our relationship.

Today I have agonized over another fallen friend. Someone fell. I got hurt. But somehow I love my friend still and I definitely trust that Jesus is Lord over the both of us. I know without a shadow of doubt that forgiveness is far better than resentment and bitterness. My tendency is to extend mercy and expect that mercy will be the instrument for both our healings, through the power of the Holy Spirit.

I have wept my tears, vented my anger, dried my eyes, and reestablished those oh-so-important lines of communication. Somehow I survive. I grieve. I let go. I seek healing from the Only One who can give it… Most importantly, I face again my own human weakness and imperfection. And I remember the advice of the Master. “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.”