I am battered against the wall of myself—
Self beating against self in utter frustration
As I try and try, and fail utterly to change in my own strength.
I am left wondering if there will ever be improvement,
Finding there is nothing left to me except
To fall into God’s grace and pray that
He can change what I cannot… because I cannot!
Poor choices hang over my head like an anvil
While I pray in desperation that it won’t fall and crush me.

Oh, God! Please work your will in my heart.
Make me wholly and completely yours,
Some way that I can never fathom
With all my mental gymnastics.
I long to somehow break the stagnation and
Find the flow of your living water in me…
I need to feel the aliveness of your Holy Spirit
Flexing my lungs with holy breath
Until it is your perfect peace moving me.
Please, Lord Jesus,
Help me move again in you, with you.