You are my Shepherd.
As long as I can remember,
Through darkness and light,
In the shadow of death’s company and
Running through bright green pastures,
I have sought You, Lord,
On my knees and on my face,
Standing stiffly against your Spirit or
Wrung out with weakness.
I feel so bereft sometimes
In this vacuum of my soul.
No matter how often You remind me
Your love is bestowed without bias,
Undeserved and unearned,
I keep trying to make You smile at me
Because I have pleased You somehow
In my actions or accomplishments.
I know better.
Or at least, I should know better,
But I know that I know
How very much I don’t deserve Your love,
So some part of me keeps on striving.
Still, You are my Shepherd.
And somehow, some way, sometimes
I remember the tenderness of Your touch,
The graciousness in Your gaze
During my worst moments of fear and distrust.
I keep on seeking You, Lord, and
When You find me, You show me that
The vastness of my internal universe is
Filled up with You.
So even when I can’t see You or feel You,
I can still know You are there…
Here, within my own being.
In spite of my sense of loneliness,
Your Spirit still leads me, guides me
Through paths of righteousness
For Your name’s sake—
Not because I have merit of my own,
But because I am bought with blood.
My gratitude displays itself and
Then gets turned inside out until
All my efforts tell me
I’ve begun striving again.
My Shepherd, You are
So pricelessly patient with me.
When I stumble and fall,
You pick me up again and again.
In the sweet silence,
I can but seek You, Lord.
You strengthen my heart
With loving boundaries…
Those invisible constraints that
Support me in my weakness, and
Shape the nature of who I am in You.
Though I feel alone so often,
I come again to the reality
That You are everywhere I am.
Help me, Lord, to remember
You offer rest for weary wanderers
In body, in spirit, in mind, and
To those like me who are still learning
How to let go,
How to be still,
How to be Yours, and
Leave the striving behind…
After all, You are my Shepherd.