You confuse me.
Some days you act so belligerent and angry.
Then before I realize what’s happening,
You treat me with civility and courtesy.
It leaves my head spinning and
My insides churning because
I never know what to expect.
I don’t understand you at all.
 
I don’t think I ever will, if the truth be told.
I can only be grateful for the peaceful moments,
Let go and forgive the angry ones, and
Be thankful I am no longer with you…
I only count the moments now
Until the kids are grown and I can
Let it all go behind me with the rest
Of the clouded confusion and anger.
 
In the meanwhile,
Today only reminds me again
How deep this old wound is
To still make me shiver with fear,
Then tense with angry, runaway thoughts
Of all the imbalances and inequalities
I still have to endure at your hand,
Whether politely or otherwise.
 
Dear Jesus, help me breathe again–
Out with the old stuff and unforgiveness,
In with all Your grace and mercy,
Remembering that what You gave to me,
I must give to others.