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I’ve been a quiet angry mass
Of seething feelings, shattered glass,
And though I seemed a peaceful soul
Within me was a great big hole
Where at some point in my dismay,
I tried to hide myself away.
But it has been a brutal bout—
A battle huge within, without.
For though I tried to shield my heart,
I could not hide from every dart.
The feelings grew; the glass cut deep;
(This bleeding mess of mine can’t keep.)
I long for grace to truly heal,
Let go of bitter hurt I feel.
My Father longs to give me rest,
But I’ve held tight within my chest.
Yet come what may I trust Him still,
Despite the cold, resentful chill.
Soon, I will choose to push away,
My “righteous� anger gone astray.
I’m tired of holding anguish in;
Careworn with what my life has been.
Somehow, Holy Spirit, take
The painful feelings and heartache.
Please fill me with forgiveness, Lord,
For self and others; speak Your Word.
Light the darkest part of me
With Your sweet love so I can see.
Give me hope and make me new.
Unite my heart to worship You.
I was going through a folder of some things I had composed on the computer, but never published officially and the preceding seven poems posted, with the date of composition added to the title, are the result of my gleaning. Please take a little time to read them and do, kindly please and thank you, let me know if anything has touched you or if you just like something more. Lots of love, Cara
Sing a song, a pretty song,
To tell the world you love Me.
Sing it strong; sing all day long,
Sing “just because� and freely.
With great sacrifice, You saved us, gave us,
A wellspring of hope, You lift us, gift us
With faithfulness and mercy, Lord
With generous compassion, Lord
You work within us by Your Spirit.
Sing a song, a pretty song,
To tell creation’s story.
Sing it strong; sing all day long,
This gift of life from Glory.
O Light of our lives, we raise You, praise You
Love from above, we meet You, greet You
With everything we have to give,
With never ending awe we live,
For Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.
Sing a song, a pretty song,
With all you have within you.
Sing it strong; sing all day long;
Faith, hope, and love will shine through.
It’s been so long since I have written for
The sake of writing—something bright and new—
And specially for you, my paramour,
Because I think a poem’s long past due.
What can I say to tell you how I feel,
When my words seem to fail me every time?
With you I simply long to be for real,
But then the world comes crashing through my mind.
This whirlwind life that we are living in
Saps all my energies against my will
Just don’t forget, dearheart, that deep within
I love you, love you, ever, ever, still.
Forget me not when all around us falls
For I, without you, feel as hard as stone.
With you, I choose to tear down all the walls,
To keep myself for you, and you alone.
Just when I think I’ll be fine…
Things are going to be okay,
Life is going to settle down…
Something happens.
In my life “something� is usually not small;
It’s a right-down-to-the-wire MAJOR issue.
According to Erma Bombeck,
“Normal is a setting on the washing machine.�
So, really, normal is a relative term.
“Normal� for me seems to be “crisis-mode.�
I am learning, like Paul, to be content in
Whatever state I am in—calm or crisis.
But it remains for me to trust that
Christ strengthens me…
Because today I know I am weak,
Fainting with the uncertainty of tomorrow.
Still… not to think this time, but to pray,
Not to trust in false hope, but to hope in true faith.
I choose again
His life within me while I am crucified with Him,
Maybe this time I’ll really die to myself
…Maybe.
Bright sunrise
Peeping round the gray clouds,
Then bursting forth
Against the distantly fading storm,
Erasing all the darkness
With neon red-orange light,
Brightening the winter landscape.
Coming day—
Fresh promise of hope spilling
Over my soul again,
Dissolving the crowded angry thoughts
Till once more, I find mercy
Renewed, gotten, given,
Expansive as the brilliant blue sky.
Wakened soul
Led to pasture one more time,
Guarded tenderly as
The deep, still waters of peacefulness
Soak through every bit of anxiety,
Reminding me…
The Lord is my Shepherd.
…
I feel as if I have been to court and
You are the witness, judge, and jury
Determining my guilt without any chance at all
For me to defend myself.
And why should I have to defend myself anyway?
Humanity is as humanity does.
I strive to reach a goal like everyone else.
I struggle to improve as a person…
Like everyone else.
I have always done my best to love unconditionally,
To demonstrate that love in relating to you,
To place the boundaries where they needed to be and
Enforce those guidelines when it was at all possible.
Now you say I didn’t care,
Or that I didn’t want you around,
Or maybe I did care, but sorry, it wasn’t enough.
You’ve placed conditions around me—
Expectations that I can only fail to meet.
You box me into a corner and
You wonder why I react as I do.
My heart hurts again, and I
Can only sit stoically in some attempt
To appear unfazed by your communication…
If one could call it that.
I thought communication was a two-way street.
Ideally that means both speak, both are heard,
And maybe both are understood.
There is negotiation when viewpoints don’t meet.
It seems, though, as if I am forever doomed
To condemnation by deafened ears.
These things I say will never reach your heart
Because your walls have shut me out.
You have no interest in knowing
The reasoning or the emotions behind
My choices and my actions.
Why I think and feel the way I do
Has no material bearing on your behavior,
No influence in what you say or do.
…
